by Beth Royston
Somehow, we’re a few weeks away from the end of spring term. I’m about to graduate, and it feels really bizarre. While I don’t necessarily feel like a completely different person from when I started, I recognize that I’ve grown a lot through the things that I accomplished and the trials that I went through. I also don’t feel as thrilled about graduating as I thought — this past year was really difficult, and it’s caused some burn out from school. Graduation definitely feels bittersweet, as I was really looking forward to being able to walk. However, I absolutely respect that Portland State is holding off on the in-person ceremony due to safety concerns. To help celebrate my own accomplishments as I prepare to graduate, I wanted to remember some things that really marked personal growth for me during the years.
Shifting my attitude towards life
As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I’m a very type-A person. I have a folder that has the things I’d like to accomplish in the next five years of my life organized by season — if that’s any indication of how I think. Planning is soothing to me, and helps me feel like I’m in control. But frankly, a lot of things happened while I was in college that I couldn’t control, even though I planned otherwise. It freaked me out. I definitely had a crisis or two where I felt like I didn’t know who I was and I wouldn’t ever recover from what was happening. But I made it through. I not only got through life taking crazy twists and turns, I can feel that my own attitude towards life has become more relaxed. There’s definitely things that I’d like to be proactive about and make happen in my life over the next few years, but I’m learning to slow down more. There’s a lot that fulfills and sustains me that I want to spend time on, and I have plenty of time to accomplish the things I want to accomplish. I definitely suffer from worrying that I need to do everything important I’m ever going to do before I turn 25 — a sentiment that I’ve seen reflected in a lot of other people my age. Right now, I’m not exactly sure what I’ll be up to in the next few years, and that’s okay.
Making it through college
I didn’t doubt when I started that I would get through college — I love school. But a lot of things happened that really tested my perseverance. The worst part was the massive mental health struggles I had in my junior year when I was incredibly physically sick. Trying to be a good student during that time was really taxing, and continuing to get up and go everyday while I was feeling so awful was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I got through it, despite being really sick, despite the pandemic, despite other things not going so well. I’m also graduating with honors, which may not mean much to others, but after how things went for me I feel incredibly proud of myself.
Starting a business
I’m really proud of myself for starting a business in 2020. While it’s been a blast, it’s also a lot of work. I wasn’t particularly intimidated to start, but it’s a lot more complicated than I thought it would be. It’s taught me a lot and humbled me a lot, and while I don’t intend on making my side business my main source of income, I want to try to grow it even more this year. I’ve learned a lot about how to improve my products, and made a lot of advancements that are very important to me, like making my packaging process as eco-friendly as I can.
I finished the first draft of my book in college, which has been a lifelong dream. I got engaged to the person that makes me the happiest in the entire world, and felt our relationship strengthen over time. I’ve come into myself a lot more, and feel like I know who Beth is a lot more clearly. My sense of self is already strong, but I hope that I only continue to hone that over time. I grew a lot, in directions that were healthy for me to move in. That’s definitely what I appreciate the most as I prepare to graduate.