There were days when I could not think but only feel, there were nights when I could not sleep but only remember. I would walk among the multitudes of people in Portland lost in the past, lonely in the present, and fearing the future. Young or old, man or woman, love is universal.
I was torn down to my core, to the essence of my being. For the first time in my life I embraced it. Overwhelmed with guilt, confusion, and fear, my beliefs were thrown into questioning. An intense turmoil of reevaluation and awareness came about my inner self.
The desire to get distracted amongst the nightlife, faded away within me. Slowly but surely, I began to see. My curiosity led me towards a self-educational path in search of the meaning to my life, the truth, my identity, and the questioning of my actions.
My journey is not only to be a man of heart, but also a man with a spine and soul. To earn what I need, to face what I deserve and have caused both in good and bad. As Dostoevsky once said “there is only one thing I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.”
Don’t ever stop questioning life, the reasons for it…or the reasons against it. But do keep in mind that life is a gift. It is meant to be examined, loved, not loved, but most of all- it is meant to be used.
Just don’t forget to smell the flowers along the way and remember to laugh. You can withstand anything if you can remember to laugh.