By Claire Golden

I used to feel really down in the dumps this time of year, with the onslaught of Valentine’s Day advertising. It felt more like Singles’ Awareness Day rather than a celebration of love. It took many years for me to realize there was a better approach I could take. Instead of feeling sad about not being in a relationship, I could appreciate the types of love that I did have in my life. And one absolutely essential aspect is self-love.

The term self-love has been floating around social media for several years now, and it can be hard to figure out exactly what it means. Self-care looks different for everybody. But for me, it’s treating myself with the same kindness I give to other people. It’s easy to be harder on yourself than you are on other people. For instance, I often catch myself thinking I’m a failure if I do badly on a homework assignment. But I would never say that to somebody else…so why would I say it to myself?

Somebody once gave me the advice that whenever I was feeling particularly critical of myself, I should write a list of five things I like about myself. It was really challenging at first to write this list. It felt forced and narcissistic. The point of this exercise isn’t to become pompous and self-congratulatory…it’s to acknowledge your good qualities and appreciate yourself as a person. I found it most effective to focus on non-physical qualities, because those are the most meaningful to me. Do you have a good sense of humor? Do you work hard? What do you like about yourself? 

Acknowledging these qualities made me conscious of what version of myself I want to be. I encourage you to give it a try, because you deserve to be appreciated as much as anybody else.